Only one can fill these pants

WALNUT CREEK -- Right arm of gold, pants of orange. The legend lives, but what good is a legend that shows up on time? A dull, predictable, ordinary legend is barely a legend at all.
Such words don’t apply to the Hot Chasers’ legend among legends. The man could undoubtedly sell you a cemetary plot, even a nice one under the shady tree. And there’s little doubt he could service your copier needs, service icon that he is.

Write you a headline at 5th & Mission? Pull out a Guns’N’Roses reference at the drop of Slash’s black top hat? Done and done.

One also gets the feeling one could awaken Mike Wolcott in the wee hours of the morning after being overserved at the Jimmy Buffett concert the night before, and he’d still fire a 10-strikeout game and rap a couple of safeties just for good measure.

Mike Wolcott, legend? Try Mike Wolcott, Manchild.

To those who haven’t had the pleasure of the company of the noted Alamo raconteur, or who missed him during the exhibition season, the wait is over. The fashionably late Mr. Wolcott has consented to join his teammates for this Thursday’s game, a 6:15 p.m. Field 2 tilt versus FCS Happy Hour.

Down goes the guitar, up goes the softball as Wolcott toes the rubber.

“I missed last week because I was on a promotional tour for Gibson guitars. They pay me to put my guitar aside for one month out of the year, just to clean up the listening environment, or something,” noted Wolcott, who was pondering the prospect of wearing his trademark orange duds.

“In fact, I will be wearing the orange pants for at least the first inning of Thursday's game. I figured we need a boost,” Wolcott explained. “And trust me, squeezing into the orange pants will give me a big-time boost in all sorts of places.”

That Wolcott missed out on the Hot Chasers’ grueling preseason workouts under the direction of strict taskmaster Chris Wagnon did not seem to faze the team or Mr. Wolcott his ownself.

“We had spring training? Who’s Wagnon?” retorted the only slightly befuddled Wolcott.

Not befuddled in the slightest was last week’s pitcher, Rick Hurd, who openly cheered the return of Wolcott.

“Thank God,” implored Hurd. “And you can quote me on that.”

The news of Wolcott’s impending return traveled fast through the Hot Chasers clubhouse, like Romero through Kobe Bryant’s locker. Batterymate Mike Lefkow was particularly pleased to have the crafty veteran right-hander back on the bump.

“I think Wally and I will sit down a few minutes before the game, go over their lineup and find out if Roderick has a date,” noted stalwart backstop Lefkow.

NOTE: A ticket to the upcoming Hot Chaser ballgame will be left at the out-of-town Will Call window for Abbey of Texas.